the siamese, reviewed

The Siamese is sleek, striking, and completely incapable of silence. It is one of the oldest and most recognisable breeds, all blue eyes and sharp lines and opinions delivered at volume. If you want a cat that treats you as a full conversation partner, this is the one. If you want a quiet home, look elsewhere. Here is the honest review.

what is a siamese

The Siamese is one of the oldest and most famous cat breeds, originating in Thailand, then known as Siam, where it was long held in high regard. It has been a fixture of the cat world for well over a century and remains instantly recognisable. This is an elegant, athletic, sharply intelligent cat with a personality far larger than its slender frame, and a voice to broadcast it.

the look

The Siamese is all clean lines and contrast. It has a slim, muscular body, a wedge-shaped head, large ears, and a short, fine coat that lies close to the skin, which is why it scores modestly on fluffiness. The defining feature is the colourpoint pattern: a pale body with darker colouring on the face, ears, paws, and tail, paired with striking blue, almond-shaped eyes. The overall look is elegant and slightly aristocratic, which the cat is entirely aware of.

temperament: the talker

This is the Siamese in a word: vocal. Siamese cats are famously, relentlessly talkative, holding forth in a loud, distinctive voice about everything that happens in their day, and expecting a reply. They are also intensely social and people-oriented, forming very strong bonds and following their humans everywhere, and they do not cope well with being left alone for long stretches. They are highly intelligent, playful, and curious, which lifts the gremlin score, and demanding of attention in a way that is either delightful or exhausting depending on your temperament. A Siamese wants to be involved in your life, loudly, at all times.

care and health, the honest part

The short coat is easy, needing little grooming beyond an occasional brush. The demands are social, not physical. A Siamese needs company and interaction, and a Siamese left alone all day can become lonely, bored, stressed, and vocal to the point of distress, so this is a cat best suited to a home where someone is around a good deal, or where it has a companion. Many people get a pair for exactly this reason.

On health, the breed can be prone to certain inherited and eye-related conditions, and some Siamese have historically had a tendency toward respiratory or dental issues, so as always, buy from a reputable, health-testing breeder or adopt and keep up with veterinary care. They are otherwise often long-lived.

is a siamese right for you

A Siamese suits someone who is home a lot, wants a deeply bonded, interactive companion, and genuinely enjoys a chatty cat with strong opinions. In the right home it is affectionate, entertaining, and devoted. In the wrong one, left alone and unstimulated, it is a lonely, loud, unhappy animal. Be honest about how much company you can offer before you choose one.

the chairman's verdict

Seventy-nine. The Siamese is clever, elegant, and full of character, and it loses points mainly for a level of conversation I personally find wearing. I prefer to deliver my opinions in silence and let the humans work them out. Still, for devotion, intelligence, and sheer personality, the Siamese is a remarkable cat. Just know that you are signing up for a housemate, not a decoration, and that it will have the last word.

Related reading from my desk: more breeds in the cat breeds guide, and why does my cat meow at night, a subject on which the Siamese is an expert.

Scores are the Chairman's opinion, offered in good fun. For real advice on a Siamese's needs, health, or suitability, speak to a reputable breeder, a rescue, or your vet. I am a cat with opinions, not a veterinarian.