signs your cat loves you

Cats do not say it. We do not fetch your slippers, greet you like you have returned from war, or perform our affection for an audience. But do not mistake reserve for indifference. A cat that loves you tells you constantly, in a quieter language you can learn to read. Here are the real signs, and what each one means.

The first thing to understand is that a cat's love looks nothing like a dog's, and judging one by the other does cats a disservice. Our affection is understated, offered on our own terms, and easy to miss if you are waiting for something obvious. Once you know what to look for, though, a bonded cat is anything but subtle. It is telling you all the time. You just have to speak the language.

the slow blink, the cat kiss

Watch a relaxed cat looking at you, and you may catch it slowly closing and opening its eyes, an unhurried, deliberate blink. This is one of the clearest signs of trust and affection a cat gives, sometimes called a cat kiss, because to hold your gaze and then softly close its eyes is to say it feels completely safe with you. A cat on guard never lowers its eyes like that. Try returning it, a slow blink back, and you may find your cat does it again. You are, in the only way that counts to a cat, exchanging affection.

the body language of a cat that trusts you

So much love is written in a cat's body. A tail held straight up with a little quiver at the tip as it approaches is a happy, affectionate greeting reserved for those it likes, the opposite of the warning swish covered in why does my cat wag its tail. Rolling over to show you its belly, that soft, vulnerable underside, is a profound sign of trust, an offering only a relaxed cat that feels safe will make, even if it does not actually want you to touch it. And a cat that seeks you out to be near, that sleeps on you or curls up close, has chosen you as its safest place, since a cat is at its most defenceless asleep and only surrenders that guard where it feels secure.

the things it does to you

Much of a cat's affection is active, aimed squarely at you. It headbutts and rubs against you, marking you with its scent and claiming you as family. It kneads you, making biscuits on your lap in an echo of the contentment of kittenhood. It grooms you with that rough little tongue, an act reserved for members of its own group. Some cats even bring you gifts, grim little offerings that are, in their own way, a cat trying to provide for you. And a cat that follows you from room to room, wanting to be wherever you are, is a cat that simply likes your company.

the voice, and the trust

Cats talk more to the humans they love. Adult cats rarely meow at each other; the meow is largely a language they developed for us, so a cat that greets you, chirps at you, and chatters back when you speak to it is directing its voice at you specifically. Purring in your presence, settled and relaxed, is the warm soundtrack to a contented, trusting cat, though remember from why do cats purr that a purr should be read alongside the rest of the cat. And perhaps the deepest sign of all is simply that your cat is calm around you. A cat that relaxes fully in your company, that eats, sleeps, plays, and grooms without tension when you are near, is a cat that trusts you completely, and trust, for a creature built to stay wary, is the truest form of love it has to give.

You will not get a cat that performs its devotion on cue, and you should not want one. What you get instead is a small, independent animal that has, deliberately and against its cautious nature, decided you are safe, chosen your company over solitude, and folded you into its family with scent and blinks and the weight of a sleeping body against yours. It is a quieter love than a dog's. It is not a lesser one.

Related reading from my desk: why does my cat knead me, why does my cat headbutt me, and why does my cat sleep on me, the affection ledger in full.

A cat that suddenly withdraws all its usual affection, hides, and goes off its food may be unwell rather than aloof, worth a vet visit. I am a cat with opinions, not a veterinarian.